Last Day

This is completely crazy. My last full day in Southern California is almost over. I'm sitting on the chair I just sold to my roommate and listening to my dad snoring upstairs. I just opened a card from my aunt that made me cry and earlier I said goodbye to my aunt and cousins. It's been a whirlwind of a day and I can't believe the time to leave is finally here.

I've taken so much for granted in the past three years and I feel like I'm leaving such good friends behind just to begin again. I'm torn about whether i should really feel happy about the change I'm about to make or sad about the realization that home truly is where family and friends are. This is not to say that I have no family and friends in NC, but to point out that I had an established life out here and it's finally hitting me that I'm totally and completely uprooting. It's actually terrifying.

On a weirder note, I accidentally packed all my socks somewhere I can't access them. Dammit.

Strange

Saw a friend in Irvine that I only speak with a couple times a year, and see maybe annually. I've had such great conversations with people lately when saying goodbye that it makes me wonder if I'm making the right decision.

How would I ever know?

Family, Part 3

Tonight my aunt threw a huge going away party for me and invited all of her friends that I've gotten to know over the years as well as a couple relatives that I don't see often. It was great to see everyone but it was hard saying goodbye to a lot of them. Some I've seen on an almost weekly basis for the past couple years and it's surprisingly hard to comprehend that this period of my life is over and I won't be seeing these people except occasionally when I visit or check my social media.

I keep coming across the following phrase, "Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb," which is often misinterpreted to say that, "Blood is thicker than water." In modern society the saying goes that family bonds are stronger than bonds between friends. But traditionally the line meant that bonds of friendship are stronger than the bonds of family. It's an interesting saying and it always reminds me that friends are a family that you choose. 

Maybe it's due to my imminent departure, but I've gotten a chance to see over the past couple weeks the bonds that I have with friends and people around me and how important those bonds are. When I left school, I felt a breaking of many bonds with people--friends who weren't that close, people with whom I had little in common besides the same major, classes, or dormitory. Everyone dispersed around the world and we were left with only those bonds that we cared enough to maintain, which (I am sorry to say) was fewer bonds than I expected to have. People grow apart and it's the natural order of things. It's to be expected, and I suppose that it can be relished, especially for those of us who sometimes have friends who are emotionally draining, unsupportive, or abusive. But it's just change, plain and simple, and it can be hard to accept.

It's going to hit me at the end of this week when I say goodbye to my aunt and her kids. I've spent three years close to them, and it'll be hard to go from seeing them a couple times a week to once a year. I'm grateful for the internet and smartphones, as it'll be easy for me to email videos and pictures on a regular basis, and I can email or call my aunt as often as I need to. But it's not the same as living out here. I'll be going back to counting down the days until I get to see them again, just like I did when I was a child and I counted down for my aunt to visit in NC.

Everyone wished me luck on my trip and my next "adventure". They know I'm flying blind, that I'm totally lost and unsure of where I'll end up. I really am ending a chapter in my life and embarking on a new one, one that I'll have to write as I go. 

And I'm so used to using outlines.

Content

I went to dinner with two of my roommates tonight at my favorite sushi place. We ordered a ton of food and chatted about things. It's something I really wish we'd done more often in the year we lived together. It'll be sad to leave these guys. I'm really starting to feel this imminent move.

Quitting

I've been doing a countdown to my last day at work. I'm feeling particularly unproductive at home (with regards to packing and getting ready to leave) but work has been busier than ever. Four days left now, and I'm counting down the hours. It'll be sad to leave the people I've spent tons of time with for the past three years, but what's really strange is how quickly everyone will forget me....and I will likely forget them.

Of course there are good friends that I'll still write and see when I visit LA, but the majority of the salespeople and account managers that I greet on a regular basis now, I'll see only on my LinkedIn page after the 8th. It's unusual.

I can see why people who are fired after decades with a company can be truly devastated by the change, even if it was semi-welcome.

It's been such a strange experience, spending so much time at a company and then leaving abruptly with no interest in continuing to work within the industry. It's just....odd.

Mixed Feelings

I feel very good about what I am about to do. But I am incredibly sad that I will no longer live near my aunt.