It's almost Halloween and I can't wait for the candy. The big downside of not being able to trick or treat anymore (or steal from children's candy stashes) is that the variety of candy that I eat this holiday will be much lower than usual. A couple mini candy bars here and there, practically no weird candy that I pretend I don't like but eat anyway. I'm almost disappointed about it but I keep having to remind myself that I'll be able to bake anything I want, like pumpkin scones with maple glaze. Mmm guess I know what I'm doing this week!
I've been having a tiny meltdown that started this past weekend and peaked last night when I got home from the trip with my mom and asked my dad to push my resume at his company in the hopes that I might get a job there easily. I'm struggling in the same way that I was back in LA; I can't find an industry that suits me. My qualifications are few and I know I'm stuck in entry level positions for now, but even narrowing things down that much doesn't help me at all when it comes to choosing an industry to enter. I've worked in telecommunications and I think I have a good sense of what I don't want to do, which...also doesn't narrow things down much. Part of me wants to forego a career right now and work on learning programming languages and trying to succeed as a writer. A basic no-frills job with good benefits and little stress would be ideal for me to pull do for at least a couple months while I apply to a non-traditional programming course in NY, learn on my own, and write. I'd be able to save up and spend my mental energy outside of work rather than killing myself for a career I don't yet know I would want.
What's stressing me out the most (besides the fact that I do need a job and the income and stability it would provide) is completely conflicting advice that I get from the important people in my life. It's not particularly useful to be told over and over, "You could be doing something so much more with your life." Okay. Couldn't everyone? I feel like I know what I want but there's still that risk that I face, say, with writing. I could spend the next five decades trying to write and perfecting my craft, but never find success doing that. At what point do I either give up or relegate it to a hobby rather than a pursuit? At the same time, jobs come and go and I could build a career, giving everything (time, energy, more time) I have to that, then have it pulled out from underneath me.
There are no guarantees in life. So what do I do with it?
Come on, life, tell me what I should do.
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